Thursday, July 31, 2014

Muddling Through

The day came , much like any other. It was high winter, bone chilling cold, gloomy day. Then came the Change, unfathomable change in the form of jolting, shooting pain. It was sudden enormous and it brought the change swiftly to everything else in my life. I was left with this fragile form of new life who turned her inquisitive eyes towards me and did a through study. It was the second task of her life after and besides crying. I don't remember the moment well, but I do remember it was mixed set of feelings. Emptiness, Confusion, Sadnes, Fear, Happiness.

Then came the exhaustion.

Sleepless nights, endless chores, fear of doing something wrong and doing a harm, overwhelmed us, shadowing happiness.

The New Parents. All these while the tiny pair of eyes watched me intently. No smiles No talking. Just the stare. Occasionally a tiny hand would feel about me that's about it. But she knew me. She knew how I smelled. She knew with me she has the protection she couldn't get anywhere eles. The ultimate trust even her father didn't get from her. It was an amazing feeling. The first one of many. I had come through a long way. Muddled through the sleepless nights, endless crys, diapers towards her special smile only for me, towards that special word, "Mommy" dedicated only to me.

I have graduated to be her Mom.